Identify Your Character Strengths with Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum

Dr. Trevor:            Hi there. Welcome to The Spa Doctor Podcast. I’m Dr. Trevor Cates. On today’s podcast, we’re talking about how identifying your positive personality traits or character strengths can boost your wellbeing and even help your relationships. My guest today is Dr. Sandra Scheinbaum. She is the founder and CEO of The Functional Medicine Coaching Academy, a program establishing collaboration with the Institute for Functional Medicine. An IFM-certified practitioner and licensed clinical psychologist with a Master’s degree in learning disabilities, Dr. Scheinbaum has specialized in blending mind/body medicine with positive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy for over 40 years. She established a clinic for diagnosing and treating attention deficit disorders and also ran a clinic for treating panic and anxiety. She is author of “Stop Panic Attacks in 10 Easy Steps and How to Give Clients the Skills to Stop Panic Attacks.”

On today’s podcast, we discuss how to get the support on your health journey, to help optimize your wellness, and Dr. Sandy explains how to identify your character strengths so you can use them to help your wellbeing, your vitality, and your relationships, so please enjoy this interview. Sandy, it’s so great to have you on my podcast. Welcome.

Dr. Sandra:           Thank you. It is great to be here. I’m excited to talk with you.

Dr. Trevor:            Absolutely, so let’s start with your personal story, your personal journey of what led you to this functional medicine coaching. What led you to that?

Dr. Sandra:           Okay, well it’s long because I’m old, so I’ll give you the abbreviated cut, the short version. I was trained initially in education. I taught special education. I taught teachers how to teach kids with special needs, and that led to discovering what was very new at the time, stress management. What if we can help parents of kids deal with their stress? Which led to them getting a doctorate in clinical psychology, but I was always kind of the renegade psychologist. When people were focusing on what’s wrong with you, I wanted to focus on what’s right with you, which also led to this notion, which I was always very interested in, that the mind can influence the body, and at the time, we’re talking like 70s, early 80s, this was a radical concept.

That’s what I wanted to specialize in, and so for many years I had a practice as a psychologist, specializing in mind/body medicine. This was years before positive psychology or years before we knew that what we eat and how we move every day has an impact on our mood and our psychological wellbeing, but I started becoming interested in that and just happened to find the Institute for Functional Medicine and started training in functional medicine. I was actually the only psychologist at the time who went through that certification exam, so now I’m a functional medicine practitioner. What do I do with that?

As a psychologist, I’m not going to be prescribing supplements to people, recommending labs, but I could teach, and so I went full circle back to my love of teaching, mentoring, and so I went to the Institute for Functional Medicine and said, “Would you be interested in having a program to train health coaches?” They said, “You know, that’s a need that we always thought we … that was a gap. We were training practitioners, but how do you really help people to make those difficult changes? That’s where a coach comes in.” Along with the people at IFM, we designed a curriculum, and so we created this program that is a collaboration with IFM to train and certify health coaches in the functional medicine way of finding wellness, but we pair that with positive psychology, so I pulled together all those pieces and strands from different parts of my life and my training.

Dr. Trevor:            I love that. That’s so fantastic. Thank you for sharing that. It’s interesting because I think a lot of people know that they should be eating healthier, they should be moving more, they should be sleeping better, they should be managing their stress better, but they just need a little bit of encouragement and support. Maybe they don’t necessarily have a significant health problem where they need a doctor that they’re working with, but they just need somebody to coach them along, and health coaches can be great. There are so many different health coaches out there and there are different trainings out there available to people now. I really like the fact that this aligns with functional medicine and because it really does follow a lot of the philosophies that I believe, and so I think it’s fantastic that you’ve helped create this program so people can get that extra coaching support along the lines of functional medicine.

Dr. Sandra:           Thank you. Yes, we all need a personal cheerleader, and there is an intention behavior gaps, so we can wake up every day and have great intention. We’re going to work out. We’re going to eat healthier, and then by the end of the night, “Well I blew it again,” or, “I didn’t follow through,” and so having that support, someone who can help you create those goals but also hold you accountable and that has been very magical for many people. They have an ally now, a support network.

Dr. Trevor:            Okay, great. When do you know, for people that are listening, when do they know that they need to see a functional medicine practitioner versus a coach? Let’s talk about that a little bit because I think that it’s important for people that need different levels of care to understand where they are, so can you address that a little bit?

Dr. Sandra:           Sure. If you have a condition that maybe you’ve gone to your doctor and you’ve been told you have rheumatoid arthritis or another autoimmune condition or you’re borderline Type II diabetic or you have eczema, you have a condition that’s been diagnosed. Maybe you’re on medication or considering medication or thinking, “Is there some other way?” Maybe you have multiple symptoms. Maybe you’re depressed. Maybe you’re very fatigued. You would not want to just start out with a coach because a coach cannot diagnose what’s wrong with you. A coach cannot prescribe, even prescribing supplements for example, and so that would be in the realm of a practitioner.

You always want to start with a practitioner if you’re not feeling well and if you need to have that medical assessment. What a functional medicine doctor will do is go underneath the hood, so they’re not just going to name that disease and say, “Here’s a pill.” They’re going to say, “Why is this occurring at this particular time? How is this connected with other symptoms? Could there be inflammation?” They might do some specialized lab testing, and then from there, they may have a coach that they work with and then because that’s the model we train: a coach works with a functional medicine doctor. They may have you see the coach who’s going to help you follow that doctor’s recommendations.

If you are somebody who is healthy and you have gone to your regular doctor and everything checks out and you’re feeling pretty good but you’re thinking, “Oh you know I’m thinking about maybe having a baby in a few years, so I’d really like to start to consider more what I’m eating. I don’t have major problems. I don’t have major GI issues that I would need to run to a doctor for, but I’d just like to get healthier.” That would be an ideal person to start to see a health coach, and then if the health coach suspects like, “Hm. I think there’s more going on here. I would like you … You know, would you be interested in seeing a functional medicine doctor in your area?”

Dr. Trevor:            Mm-hmm (affirmative). Okay, that’s great. I think that this can work really well, like you’re saying, alongside a functional medicine doctor or a naturopathic physician as well. I think that there’s a lot of complementing that could do, or even alongside a conventional doctor who might be providing great care for you, kind of preventative care, but you just need a little extra support in the health and wellness category, so I think it’s fantastic. I think it’s so great too that your background as a psychologist gives people this different kind of perspective on mindset, positive psychology. How have you found that to be? How has it been?

Dr. Sandra:           Sure, so positive psychology is a way of thinking that addresses, “What do we need to thrive? What contributes to the good life?” In the mid 90s, Marty Seligman who was president of the American Psychological Association coined this term, “positive psychology,” to think about what’s right with us, not what’s wrong. It’s not just about saying, “Oh and you’re depressed and you have this mental disorder,” but what is good within us. What do we need to thrive? We’ve identified that. There’s a lot of research, and what they’ve come up with is this notion of character strengths. Character strengths are these essential traits and they’ve gone all over the world, looked at different cultures and ages, and we have these traits.

When we are at our best, we are using them, and they are things like bravery, like creativity, like zest. I’m very animated and I get really excited about things, and so zest is one of my top strengths. Creativity is another one, so if I find a creative solution to the problem, I’m really happy, but I don’t do so well in areas that don’t call upon that, so I would be a very bad accountant for example, unless I found a creative way to do the books. We can look at what our top strengths are and we train our coaches to help people identify those, and when they’re in that space using their strengths, that’s how they make changes. We make changes because perhaps we love learning. That’s a strength of ours, so we’re always reading more and going online. Perhaps you’re listening to this podcast because you love learning or maybe you appreciate beauty and excellence. That’s another one of my top strengths.

I’m always having this deep awareness of what’s excellent all around me and what’s beautiful, and if that’s one of your strengths as well, that’s going to be serving you well. You might cook a meal and you love when something is presented. “Oh this is so gorgeous. I have to take a picture of how beautiful this food looks.” We help people identify, and you can go online to the VIA Institute. It’s called VIA, V-I-A.Character.Org. You take a little free survey and in 15, 20 minutes, you have your character strengths. We all have 24 of them. It’s just how they’re ordered is what makes us unique, and then we use these top ones, which we call “signature” strengths to thrive. That’s how we find wellbeing, through our strengths.

Dr. Trevor:            Wow. I love this approach, and so can you give an example?

Dr. Sandra:           Sure. Absolutely. For example, if you’re thinking back on your life and you think like, “What comes up over and over again? What strength have I been using when I’m really at my best?” Maybe it would be something like humor and people recognize you for that’s who you are. Maybe people will say, “Oh you’re a real funny guy.” You are always laughing or you are always seeing the humor. You use humor a lot, and you manage stress with humor. Or maybe you want to use the strength of gratitude, and gratitude is very connected with physical wellbeing and that’s a strength that you can cultivate to express gratitude. Or maybe love and kindness.

Some strengths are more of the heart like love and kindness. They’re interconnected with other people. Some strengths are more of the mind, so that’s my husband. He has great judgment. He’s always weighing the differences and perspectives. He’s great at zooming out and seeing the big picture and being very thoughtful, so rather than jumping in to make a decision, he will weigh both sides very carefully, and so judgment is one of his top strengths. There are also strengths that have to do with being brave. There’s wisdom strength with having this great sense of … Again, you can have like love of learning. If people are always calling on you for your advice, that you’re kind of the wise one who gives sound advice.

Think, “Is that me? Or am I the brave one?” Many people, when they have a chronic illness or things that they’re suffering through, don’t realize that they’re using their strengths. Maybe it’s perseverance. They’re just not going to stop until they find an answer, or they keep going no matter how hard it gets, so they’re using that perseverance strength. Acknowledging these, looking for them within you, and looking for them within other people, because you can connect to someone based on that strength.

Dr. Trevor:            Yeah. That’s very interesting. What you were just saying, there’s this concept of positive projection. When you see something positive in somebody else, like, “Oh wow they’re so brave,” or, “I love how gracious they are,” when you see that quality in someone else, a lot of times it’s a reflection of yourself, right?

Dr. Sandra:           Absolutely.

Dr. Trevor:            Yeah. Then taking those character strengths and using them to find wellbeing, explain a little bit more. Can you go a little bit deeper on that so that people can understand fully how do they take that into their life once they determine what their character strength is, and then how do you use that in your wellbeing?

Dr. Sandra:           Yeah, so they all blend together, so we don’t just display one strength. They come in clusters and we all have these 24 traits. It’s just how we order them, and we might set an intention for example to practice one of them. We’re going to maybe choose a strength of the day. A great one is forgiveness. Forgiveness is very tied in to wellness, physical wellness. When you can just forgive somebody, it’s so powerful for your wellbeing, but it’s not isolation. Maybe forgiveness goes along with the strength of gratitude, for example. There’s also the sense of humility is another one. Being able to step back and know that, “Hey I don’t know all the answers,” and maybe that is tied in with love of learning. So, “I’m going to go and seek out experts. I’m going to learn more, and that excites me,” so maybe that’s tied in with zest.

But there’s also a character strength that isn’t so sexy, and it’s the self regulation one. Some people who are very strong in self regulation, they’re just going to do it, and they say, “Okay I’m going to change my habits. I’m going to get up the same time every day and go get in the gym.” Maybe they have very good self regulation. But maybe others who may fall short in that because something else will get in the way and then they berate themselves. But we can build these strengths. They’re not fixed. It’s not like these are traits like you have blue eyes and it’s never going to change. You can deepen them.

You can strengthen just like you work out and you strengthen your muscles. You’re going to say, “My strength of the day is going to be forgiveness, and I’m going to spot it every time I’m letting go and forgiving, including forgiving yourself.” That’s so important, because if we make a mistake, we screw up, we’re hardest often on ourselves. Every strength can be turned inward as well and use, “I’m going to practice kindness towards others but self kindness as well.”

Dr. Trevor:            Great, and I think that it seems like it would be once you know these character strengths, it would be easier to relate with others too in your relationships. It’s almost like the love languages for those people that are familiar with … I can’t remember the author of that book, but love languages, you’re familiar with that right?

Dr. Sandra:           Yes.

Dr. Trevor:            It’s almost like that. Once you learn how to speak someone’s love language, it’s easier to communicate, so if somebody understood what your character strengths were or you understood what your own character strengths were, you could have a better relationship with people too.

Dr. Sandra:           Absolutely, and we have spouses take the VIA survey so they’ll be able to look at their results. There’s a kid’s version, and so if someone gives them to their child, because kids are often not taught in school about their strengths. They’re taught about their weaknesses. “You know I go this wrong on a test.” Especially for kids with special needs it’s all about your deficit areas, not often about your strengths, and so this is a different perspective as well. It has a lot of applicability across many different situations.

Dr. Trevor:            I know that sometimes it’s hard for us to see the positive and it’s hard for us to sometimes see the strengths that we have or the positive side of things. It’s funny I recently sent … When I send out emails to my list, the people that are my followers, I often times will say, “Hi Beautiful,” or, “Hi Sunshine.” I recently got an email back from someone that were actually offended, and occasionally I do get these, where people are offended by being called “beautiful” or “sunshine,” and it’s interesting to me because I’m very positive and I like to kind of help encourage that in other people. But I realize not everybody is there, so any thoughts on that, why somebody might be offended, or any suggestions for people that might not resonate with that?

Dr. Sandra:           Sure. I think there’s a number of things that pertain to this. One is that that is you, and so you are this smiling sunshine. You radiate sunshine and so you have that quality and a lot of it is zest, love of life, so if you love life and you appreciate beauty and excellence, which is probably another one of your … We probably have very similar character strengths as our top ones. You appreciate beauty, and so you’re going to say, “Hey Beautiful. Hey Sunshine.” Someone may look at that and have a different perspective, and maybe their way of being is to zero in on what’s wrong, on the negative, and to have that bother them because maybe that’s not how they experience the world.

It maybe annoyed someone initially, but in order to go to the level of writing a complaint, that person would have difficultly letting it go, so rather than just be a momentary, “Oh that’s an unusual way to address somebody in a letter,” it’s, “I’m going to take the time to write a response,” which shows that there’s difficulty in forgiving and letting it go. But I think the other piece of it, because I know if this happened to me and we get letters and there might be a thousand people who are raving about what I’m doing in health coaching and have incredible experiences as students, but if there’s one person who is going to say, “Well you know, I’m a little unhappy,” that’s the one we dwell on because you want to please people. You want to have a good impression.

You want to do the right thing, and so often that takes ability to let it go and ability to forgive, to forgive the person who may be acting inappropriately or you feel has wronged you or whatever that situation might be. Whether it’s someone who’s a stranger like in this situation or a close, a loved one, often those are harder to forgive, but practicing that is a way to cultivate that forgiveness strength, so that’s where that can tie in, and also humor because sometimes it really helps to have humor when we are faced with these situations where there are people who are difficult and are writing things that we are often shocked by. But how can we use humor to let things go as well?

Dr. Trevor:            Thank you. I appreciate that, and yes, I understand that not everybody always feels the same way, and so it’s fine. If somebody is not feeling like sunshine or not feeling beautiful, I understand. I also think that sometimes people think that what I’m saying is that we’re talking about something on the outside only, but I see there’s so much beauty and radiance and sunniness, sunshine, inside people, and it’s just radiating out of people, or they have the opportunity for that to happen. I see that beauty is so much more than something that you see on the outside, and that’s why I try and encourage my community to see that in themselves, and that beauty is on so many different levels.

Dr. Sandra:           Absolutely. I was one of those people who were just tied into, “Okay I cannot see anybody until I have my makeup on.” I mean, for years I would not go out of the house. I had to be in full makeup, and in those days, we’re talking back in the 80s, that was pretty heavy makeup, and I wasn’t wearing toxic-free makeup back then either. There was an Albert Ellis. I trained with him. He was the grandfather or the father of cognitive behavior therapy where you learn to think straight and not have these screwy thoughts like, “It’s awful. It’s horrible,” but learn rational thinking. But he would have these shame attacking exercises where you had to purposely do something that you would think like, “Uh, this is awful. I don’t want to embarrass myself,” and so I did that with wearing makeup, and what would it be like? What would be the worst thing that happened if I went out without makeup?

A transition came when my daughter got married six years ago where we were taking pictures for the people getting dressed in her bridal party, and of course that was before we had our makeup done, so I’m like nothing and hair is awful and it was just the start of the day, and you know, I’m like, “Okay. That’s not so bad.” Or after a yoga class, I would go to the grocery store and, “Well, was that so horrible?” You know? I had no makeup on, and so sometimes you’re realizing that things that we live by, like these rules we set out for ourselves in terms of the standards that we set, and that’s just one example, but there are many others where we follow these. “I must do this,” you know, “I have to do this or the world will come to an end.”

Dr. Trevor:            Yeah, absolutely. I think that as you were probably noticing without wearing makeup, that beauty comes, there’s a lot of that, that comes from a sense of wellbeing as well as sort of why we’re here in life and having a sense of confidence, and purpose, I think, is a big part of that.

Dr. Sandra:           Exactly. We find wellbeing when we have meaning and purpose, and there’s a lot that’s been written about that. In fact, in our book, “Functional Medicine Coaching,” we talk about the importance of coaches helping people find that meaning and find that purpose. One of the best ways is belonging. When you belong somewhere, when you have a group of people or an association with something that’s often greater than yourself, or you have that community that is there to support you, and many people find that with functional medicine. They feel like fish out of water when they’re in other circles, other contexts, but they come to functional medicine … For example, we just had a conference last weekend, and everyone was saying like, “This is great. I’m in my community. I feel like people get me here. I feel like we are one. We have the same meaning, the same purpose, the same values,” so that solidifies that sense of meaning and purpose when you’re with that. People through a religious organization often find that.

Dr. Trevor:            Yeah, I think it’s so important. I think that today, in a way with all the online access that we have, in a way it becomes easier to have community, but at the same time, it’s harder because then we end up on our computers and not getting out into our community where we live, or maybe even traveling places where we can have community. Any thoughts and tips for people to help build, cultivate, that kind of community?

Dr. Sandra:           Sure. Well, it’s focusing on getting back to your strengths. When you were thriving, who were you with? What was the community like there? I can think back and look at, “Okay well, one of the best experiences I had was being in a book club,” because I’ve always loved to read, but when I’m not just reading but reading with a community, and we’ve stayed together for many, many years, and that is a sense of belonging. Looking at what draws you, what activities. That’s mine. My husband, for example: poker. He has a poker game once a week, and that’s his group of guys, so it’s not about the game anymore. It’s about getting together and having that connection.

Then it can be tied to something greater, so many people find that in a spiritual connection, and they like to be with like-minded people, and they find that great sense of community that is also fulfilling that greater need for spirituality. Others, yoga, can do that. There’s a strong yoga community and I feel like when I’m taking a yoga class, I’m with that. There’s that sense of being around like-minded people and it feels good.

Dr. Trevor:            Right, and I think that community used to be around churches and religion. There’s definitely still some of that, but there are more people finding it elsewhere and not just in those types of communities, but I think we just crave that, kind of, “Let’s find a way to find a like-mindedness,” whether that is a yoga group or sometimes it’s you can be pulled together by interests. We have a common interest, so we end up, you and I end up, at conferences and things together because we have our community because it’s around an interest. Some of my communities are around my kids because I’ve got three kids, and the activities that they do, I end up at their games or at their activities and then I develop friendships and community around those. There are a lot of different ways that we can build community.

Dr. Sandra:           Absolutely, and that’s a great point. Our children provide that for us, and I remember fondly those years of play groups and children’s activities. My older daughter was in theater and we had a community of stage moms and that sense of all having that same interest, and we all became really good friends, and that is just so important. You may have heard of the blue zones, where they looked at communities where people lived the longest. Sardinia, Italy was one. Loma Linda, California was another. What stood out, I remember there was a video where they were looking at the life of one woman in Loma Linda. She was over 100. She still drove. Every day, she got up, she pumped her own gas, and then she drove to her church, went in the basement, and met with her friends, most of who were younger than her. Some were the same age. They were healthy and they were quilting together. They were discussing the events of the day, and they were vibrant. Part of it was what they ate. They were vegetarians, and it’s been attributed to that and the 7th Day Adventists, but something else was going on that’s probably more important, and that is that sense of community, the same thing for Sardinia and the other blue zones.

Dr. Trevor:            Oh that’s great. I love that. That just totally shows how whatever age you are, you can build that community, even at 100-years-old and that that helps with anti-aging, that that’s an aging gracefully benefit/perk of finding a community. The community probably would evolve when you’re 100-years-old, but certainly just keeping up with that and finding your passion in that. Well thank you so much, Sandy. It’s been a real pleasure having you on. Tell everybody how they can find you, find out more about what you’re up to.

Dr. Sandra:           Sure, so you can go to our website, which is FunctionalMedicineCoaching.Org, and you can find information about becoming a coach, but perhaps you’re intrigued by this conversation. “What would it be like to work with a coach?” So we have a coaching setter where you can come and you get a free coaching session and then you may choose to sign up for a package, which is about $10 per session. You’re working with our apprentices. Our students do a 6-month apprenticeship, and you’d be working with one of our apprentices, so that’s another way that you can get connected if you’d like to be a coach or be coached yourself.

Dr. Trevor:            Okay, great. Thank you so much, Sandy.

Dr. Sandra:           Thank you. It was great. Bye, Trevor.

Dr. Trevor:            I hope you enjoyed this interview today with Dr. Sandy and you got some great tips to help you learn your character traits. I think it’s going to be valuable, so go take her quiz. I will have the links to everything up on my website. Just go to TheSpaDoctor.Com/Podcast. Go to the podcast page with her interview. You’ll find all the information about her and what she discussed. You’ll find all that information there, and while you’re there, I invite you to join The Spa Doctor community on the website. Also, you can go to iTunes and subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss any of our upcoming shows. If you haven’t done so already, I highly recommend you get your own customized skin report, get your own information at TheSkinQuiz.Com. It’s free. It just takes a few moments. You can get your own customized skin report at TheSkinQuiz.Com. Also, join me on social media, on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and join the conversation, and I’ll see you next time on The Spa Doctor Podcast.